In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
