HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
