i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
