I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
