would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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