Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
