Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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