Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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