Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
