you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
