I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
