He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
