we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
