And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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