I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
