i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
