I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
