I got chris browned last night
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
