A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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