They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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