Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
