If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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