I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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