you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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