Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
