Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
