careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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