NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
