college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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