My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
