When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
