It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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