My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
