we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
