I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
