I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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