So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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