There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
