the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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