i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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