In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
