1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
