i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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