Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i barfeds in our rink
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I party with great urgency now.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
