Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
