Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
