remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
