If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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