We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
