im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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